It's hard for me to fail. I think a lot of times I just go ahead and give up when I realize I can't be perfect at something. I think that since I knew I couldn't be perfectly submitted to God with my eating, I just resigned myself to that and didn't even attempt to be perfectly submitted. So, I would submit when not tempted or mildly tempted, but when the really tough temptations came, I would go ahead and give in because I didn't want to try and fail. I hope this makes some sense!
So, I began an eating journal. In it I write when I eat and what I eat. What I eat is not an issue, but I decided to write that so I could see any correlations between eating certain foods and my mood and energy level. I also put my hunger/fullness numbers. This is a concept I learned through Thin Within. Zero is a hungry, empty tummy; five is comfortably filled; ten is stuffed, can't eat another bite. My goal is to eat within 0-5. I also write reflections, temptations, praises, etc.
Within just a few days, I could tell I was getting free. It's hard to explain, but I feel like I am getting over a hump that I haven't been able to get over in a long time. Only I can tell, really, since most of the effects are not outward, but here are just a few:
- I only weigh once per week. It's sad, but I have been known to weigh multiple times in one day.
- I am not choosing my foods based on weight-loss/maintenance.
- I am not using exercise to try to make up for gluttony.
- I am not making any excuses for gluttony.
- I am able to sit and watch someone enjoy one of my favorite foods without feeling entitled to have some too.
- I am able to eat almost anything without losing control.
2 comments:
Brandi,
Thank you so much for posting this! I have had thoughts like this for a while.
One of the things I have overcome in the last year (Thank God!) is a resentment for people who seem to be able to eat whatever they want, which often lead to a sense of entitlement that would "allow" me to binge. What helped was understanding and accepting the limitations of my own body.
For health reasons, I may always have some limitations on certain foods, but I can still learn moderation in the way you describe - simply not allowing food to be an idol.
My dilemma is that I still have much weight to lose to be my healthiest, and it seems that rigid rules work best in weight loss. But I just can't find a way to do this without becoming obsessed with what I put in my mouth. I'm suddenly on the flip-side of the coin.
Do you think that "Thin Within" would be helpful?
Missy--I have been really encouraged lately by the passage in John 10 where Jesus talks about His sheep hearing His voice. Ask Him and wait expectantly to see what He has to say.
I would highly recommend Thin Within. I also have been really blessed lately by The Diet Alternative by Diane Hampton. I didn't follow her program, but her book is very short, to the point and does a great job of explaining the spiritual issues involved with eating, etc.
I would also encourage you with this thought. Although it IS important to lose weight for health reasons, it is more important to cast down idols in your life. Seek first His kingdom...(Matthew 6:33). Exercise yourself toward Godliness... (1 Timothy 4:7-8).
Let me know how things go for you. I will be praying for you, Missy!
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