It's hard for me to fail. I think a lot of times I just go ahead and give up when I realize I can't be perfect at something. I think that since I knew I couldn't be perfectly submitted to God with my eating, I just resigned myself to that and didn't even attempt to be perfectly submitted. So, I would submit when not tempted or mildly tempted, but when the really tough temptations came, I would go ahead and give in because I didn't want to try and fail. I hope this makes some sense!
So, I began an eating journal. In it I write when I eat and what I eat. What I eat is not an issue, but I decided to write that so I could see any correlations between eating certain foods and my mood and energy level. I also put my hunger/fullness numbers. This is a concept I learned through Thin Within. Zero is a hungry, empty tummy; five is comfortably filled; ten is stuffed, can't eat another bite. My goal is to eat within 0-5. I also write reflections, temptations, praises, etc.
Within just a few days, I could tell I was getting free. It's hard to explain, but I feel like I am getting over a hump that I haven't been able to get over in a long time. Only I can tell, really, since most of the effects are not outward, but here are just a few:
- I only weigh once per week. It's sad, but I have been known to weigh multiple times in one day.
- I am not choosing my foods based on weight-loss/maintenance.
- I am not using exercise to try to make up for gluttony.
- I am not making any excuses for gluttony.
- I am able to sit and watch someone enjoy one of my favorite foods without feeling entitled to have some too.
- I am able to eat almost anything without losing control.