Monday, July 28, 2008

Accountability

Following is part of an e-mail that I just sent to my new prayer and accountability partner, Missy. I thought it would be good to post since it shows where I am right now...warts and all! :-)

I NEED accountability, Girl! It's like when I started this it was so easy. I think the feeling of bondage was still so fresh that I was motivated to be obedient. Now it has been hard. Especially with desserts. I am also praying through whether this is an emotional-eating issue, self-control-issue or physical issue. IE is my eating sugar again creating more intense cravings? Maybe it's a combination. But basically it looks like this: I think about food a lot and especially desserts. I can't wait until the evening to have a yummy dessert after the kids go down. Usually I have not saved room...sometimes I tell myself I have when I really haven't. Isn't that awful? I welcome your prayers.


I have not journaled this week except yesterday and today. Yes, I told you I have been a bad girl! But I am recommitted to journaling. It is a huge help for me. And I am recommitting to eating when sitting down. Exceptions are I'm cooking and I need to taste something or just eat a bite here or there. But if I don't have this "rule" in place, my nibbling gets out of control. It looks like this: I am fixing dinner and I am hungry. So I tell myself it's ok to eat this and that but by the time I have dinner made, I'm half-way full but I don't "feel" like I have eaten because I didn't sit down with food on a plate.

Weighing this morning was hard at first because I am up 2 pounds. But later I actually found myself thanking God that the scales reflected the truth. I was over-indulgent this week. The Lord asked, "would you feel better if the scales said you were the same? What if you were "good" and up 2 pounds? Would you feel like you had been bad?" Thankfully these lies are slowly but surely being replaced with the truth. It's kind of like grades. Would I feel better about getting an "A" in a super-easy class or about a "C" that I worked my rear off for?

Funny thing is the snack hour has been good! :-) Thanks for praying!

I realize that I tend more toward sharing my failures than my triumphs. I need to change that. I just tend to have that "if it's not broke, don't fix it" mentality. But for my sake and to give a true reflection to all of you faithful readers, I will attempt to share more of the whole picture of my journey to freedom. I hope to be able to share a "triumphant" post soon! :-)

2 comments:

Layna said...

Brandi,
This letter could very well be written by me.. I am totally in the same boat, the desserts, the simply tasting my baking but then eating an equivalent of probably two cookies.. I'm so glad that I found this blog! God is using you as a tool in His tool shed to help set me free from my bondage of food.
Thanks!

Missy said...

Don't worry Brandi, I am keeping track of your triumphs and will encourage you with that bit of "data" as often as I can!

Thanks for sharing truthfully, though, about your struggles. It really helps to know we are not alone.