Monday, December 15, 2008

It Will Be Interesting To See How This Goes...

This is my fourth pregnancy. In the past, I have taken a very common take on eating in pregnancy which goes something like this:

"Eat what you want, when you want and however much you want. You are getting big anyway...this is your chance to be a justified glutton."

This year after completing a diet where I finally shed all of the baby weight I had accumulated with three children, it became apparent to me that I had gone from one extreme to another. While I did not have an eating disorder, I definitely had some disordered thinking and behaviors associated with eating that, I believe, could have led to a real eating disorder like anorexia. Basically, although I was a size 2-4, I still felt fatter than ever. I definitely felt fatter than before I started the diet.

I have come a long way since then, but I definitely wouldn't say that I am healed of this disordered thinking. But I am thankful to the Lord that He has shown me the errors in my thinking and has shown me that He is willing and able to see me through to total healing.

So, it's just an interesting dynamic now that I am supposed to get bigger and gain weight. Will I go overboard with eating like I have with every other pregnancy and gain way too much? Or will I continually have to fight myself to not deprive my body and my baby of the food we need to have a healthy pregnancy?

Some times I slip back into the "eat whatever I want" mentality and at the same time, I get really concerned about gaining too much. Like this morning, I weighed and I had gained a pound in the past week. That is what I am supposed to do. But it feels like I was bad. I would have felt better if the scaled showed the same weight or a loss. My mind quickly sees the truth when the Holy Spirit exposes the lie, but it still bugs me that my first instinct is that a higher number on the scale means I have been bad.

I have a hard time finding balance. On one hand, it might make sense to throw out the scales so that I don't get all obsessed with them, but I really think that if I did that, I could easily revert back to total gluttony and gain way too much weight.

For now, I weigh once per more. (I used to weigh several times per day.) And I pray continually for the Lord to show me my successes and failures in His eyes. That I won't gauge them by a stupid number on the scale.

One day at a time!

Friday, December 12, 2008

My Heart Is Hurting

A dear friend of mine found out today that she has breast cancer. She has had pain under her arm for a while and thought she had just pulled a muscle. When it didn't go away, she went to the doctor and they found the lump and after testing, they have diagnosed her with Invasive Ductal Breast Cancer. On a scale of 1-3 for aggressiveness, hers is grade 3. I don't know yet the stage or if it has matestisized (spread.) I don't think they even know yet.

She goes in a few days to discuss treatment options, but it looks like she will need to undergo a double mastectomy and removal of her uterus followed by chemo.

To complicate matters, they have no health insurance. Eric and I are hopeful that the Church (meaning the body of Christ) will step up and relieve them of the burden on finances. The last thing they should have to think about right now is money.

She is about 36 and has two boys, 4 and 6 and a husband.

She has been a rock for many people in times of trial, including myself. She has always been there with prayer, a meal, encouraging words, money...whatever was needed. She has given of herself tirelessly in the church wherever she was needed. She sees a need, she tackles it. That's just how she is.

Both her mother and sister are breast cancer survivors.

Please join me in praying for my friend, Debbie. Pray for total healing, provision of strength, wisdom, finances, even joy...whatever is needed.

The song, "More Than You'll Ever Know" by Watermark has always reminded me of Debbie. She's that kind of friend. Here's the Youtube video if you'd like to hear the song. Just ignore the Aslan stuff :-)

How Do We Abide In Him?

And this is His commandment: that we should believe on the name of His Son Jesus Christ and love one another, as He gave us commandment. Now he who keeps His commandments (remember the stuff in italics?) abides in Him, and He in him.

1 John 3:23-24

I love learning new things in His Word!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Who Am I?

I used to love the smell makes me go "bleach!"
I used to bound out of bed, excited to face the all I want to do is stay in bed ALL day.
I used to stay on top of the it's threatening to take over.
I used to be able to make it on 6-7 hours of sleep if I had to...not I'm dead if I don't get at least 8.
I used to enjoy blogging once or twice a I just can't find the time or inspiration.

I seriously don't know me.

What's going on???

Oh, yeah, that little babe inside of me is turning my world upside down!!

Will I ever be back to "normal?" ;-)

By the way, the babe will be 13 weeks tomorrow!